


Hear Your People Singing (Fuck You)

by redlipstickkisses



Series: Poems by Kai [9]
Category: Original Work
Genre: #NotMyPresident, Anger, Autobiography, Bitterness, Christianity, Drowning, Fuck the 2016 US Presidential Election, Gen, Like worse than over-brewed black coffee bitter, Loss of Faith, Poisoning, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Witchcraft, descriptions of multiple suicide attempts, love trumps hate, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 03:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8605324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlipstickkisses/pseuds/redlipstickkisses
Summary: Lord, hear your people singing 'We Thank You'. Bullshit. God didn’t save me.I did.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, this year has sucked. And this time of year is crappy anyway because its the 3rd 'anniversary' of my first suicide attempt. And at church today they were patting themselves on the back for all the good work they've done with Church based Mental heath Services. Which is good, I'm just bitter. So yeah, have a vent piece.

The saddest thing is, once upon a time I really used to believe the songs we sing in church.

_ Lord, hear your people singing 'We Thank You' _

Now, the words just taste like mouthfuls of sawdust.

Dry, tasteless, _meaningless,_

As I go through the motions.

As I choke on them.

 

There was no god on a cold and dirty tile floor.

I was alone in that bathroom.

My chest heaving,

Cold water in my nose,

My body desperately trying to keep alive a mind that just wanted to die.

 

Where was God?

Eight months later,

When I started to stockpile apple seeds.

I have enough now to kill three men.

Cyanide is a nasty way to die,

But with that much, well,

I haven’t used them. Yet.

 

Where was your All Loving God?

When I prayed for the first time in five years that Love would trump Hate?

 

God is cruel,

How do I know this?

Human beings are made in his likeness, aren’t they.

 

And you may call me heretic,

And you may call me witch,

But magic has taught me this.

That sometimes,

_ You _ are the god you pray to in your most desperate moments.

After all, God didn’t save me.

I did.


End file.
